I cried because of that ….

Reflections on 9/11 and the death of Osama Bin Laden

I, like so many others, felt a sense of excitement perhaps even joy upon hearing the news of Osama Bin Laden’s death.  Yet as a Christian, I also felt a sense of uneasiness along with that sense of jubilation.  On the one hand we should be glad that he is gone – no longer able to promote his vision of hate and terror around the globe.  I certainly am.  Yet, I take pause with the level of celebration being reported on the news. My good friend Steve Lindsley, who also is my Pastor posted this blog that addresses this topic and contains a link that I found quite insightful.  In another blog by Stephen Prothero, he discusses why he cringed when he saw the celebrations on TV and the subsequent discussion on the topic with his students at Boston University.

Now I don’t want to judge anyone in how they are handling this news – each of us has to deal with it in our own way.  For me, it brought my mind back to the horrific day of 9/11.  I literally fought back tears yesterday as I recalled the emotions I felt on that day and the days to follow.  I recall crying with my wife at church the following Sunday as the minister earnestly tried to help the congregation make sense of it.  I remember my 5 year  old daughter asking why Mommy & Daddy were crying at church.

I recalled this editorial drawing by Steve Breen of the San Diego Union Tribune:

On September 12th, as I drove to work that day, I could not stop crying.  I arrived at my office and wrote this poem as a way to help me deal with my emotions.

I Cried Because of That

I wanted to cry yesterday.

But I couldn’t.  I said to myself that I would wait until I got home – safe and with my family.

When I was home, I thought: “I need to be strong for my family – keep them safe.”

So I held it in.

I also didn’t want to give those who committed the attacks the satisfaction that they got to me.  I was stronger than they think I am.

I did not want to give them the satisfaction that I may be scared.

So I held it in.

Then the night came and I tried to sleep.  I lay awake asking myself why until sleep took over.

I awoke several times ensuring myself that I was safe.  At least once I awoke screaming.

Yet I still held it in.

This morning I could no longer hold it in.

I had to cry – as I drove to work.

I was alive and I cried because of that.

Others have died and I cried because of that.

Others were suffering and I cried because of that

Others are grieving the loss of family and friends and I cried because of that.

Others sacrificed themselves to save lives and I cried because of that.

Survivors have yet to be found and I cried because of that

Around me, everything appears as it always does – another day of the week.

Yet I was no longer in the America that I grew up in.

I live now in a different country.

A country that still stands for freedom and democracy.

A country that will persevere united as one.

The United States of America

And I cried because of that

Moving forward, as the days pass into weeks and into months and years, I pray that his death will merely become a footnote – something we can all easily forget as we continue on.  What we must never forget is those who have died because of his evil.  Not only the loss on 9/11, but all the death he has caused.

Instead of celebrating his death, let us celebrate victory over fear and terror.  Let us celebrate the heroes of 9/11 at the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and on Flight 93.  Let us celebrate the military and intelligence services whose never ending vigilance allowed for justice to be served.

As I recalled the poem above, I felt the need to add another stanza to it.  For me these added lines have helped me make sense of what or perhaps how I should feel:

Ten years has passed and the pain still lingers

For some more but for most less – life has continued on

Finally that day that we were told would come – has

The man – no – the monster is gone

This chapter is closed; this battle has been won

Yet evil still exists and the war wages on

For now though, justice was served

But our vigil can’t and never shall end

And I cried because of that