Remembering My Mom
My memories of my Mother go back to when we lived in the modest apartment we called home on 26th street in Erie. One of my earliest memories is that of Mom & Dad bringing Darlene home – showing her to Darrell and me for the first time – I was 4.I can’t say I recall much from those days in Erie, but I do remember Mom doing various things from cooking and cleaning to caring for us kids. I can remember her taking me to Kindergarten at the elementary school located a few blocks away – then allowing me to walk there by myself when I was in 1st grade. At some point she was also comfortable with me walking across the street – at the light on 26th & Cherry – to get milk at the Lawsons.One of my favorite memories from then was snack time. Mom would prepare Darrell & me a snack that consisted of Pretzel Sticks w/ M&M’s in a little Dixie cup. Now I am not saying that is the only snack she gave us – because I am sure there were others. But it is the one that I fondly & distinctly recall – in fact it had such a profound & lifelong impact on me that even today I will treat myself to the same snack when I am traveling for work – except it is a bag of M&M’s with a bag of Pretzels – no little cup. I’d like to think she invented this brilliant combination – if she did then M&M/Mars certainly stole the idea from her when they developed the Pretzel version of the candy coated chocolate treats a few years ago.I can also remember Mom enjoying the radio – listening to music during the morning (before her soaps started in the afternoon). Back then WJET AM 1400 was a Top 40 station. I recall her loving songs like “Delta Dawn” by Helen Reddy and “The Happiest Girl in the Whole USA” by Donna Fargo. Interestingly, over 30 years later I would move my family to Donna Fargo’s hometown of Mount Airy, NC.She was a huge Elvis fan – the King of Rock-N-Roll. I seem to recall a fair number of Elvis records in our house while growing up. I am not sure which song was Mom’s favorite – probably all of them. After she passed away, I sat down with my guitar to learn the chords to “Love Me Tender” as my own personal tribute. I will forever think of her when I hear an Elvis song.Mom was born in 1944 – the youngest of 9 children. If being the youngest with 8 older siblings wasn’t bad enough – 7 of them were brothers and her only sister was almost a generation older. Yet she managed to survive. She loved each of her siblings unconditionally. Throughout her 70 years of life, her bond to all of them was steadfast. Over the last several years – in the face of her own medical troubles – she still worried about everyone’s health. When I visited or called she would share her concerns about her brother’s with me – as all of them would share their concerns about Mom with me. I believe her devotion was most evident with Uncle Franny. I know everyone loved Franny and helped to look after him – especially in his final years. But Mom’s adoration for him was special. Prior to his passing, Mom would share with me how he was doing – and it was always from the perspective of an adoring little sister telling me about her older brother.
My Mom married Dad in January 1963. As I understand the story, Dad did not propose face-to-face, but via a letter. He had it sent to Grandma Petri, who along with his sister – Patricia – presented the letter & ring to Mom on the day of her high school graduation in 1962. Despite this remote proposal, Mom accepted and they were married several months later – she was indeed in love. Their life together would produce 4 children who would later provide them with 10 grandchildren. To this day - our parent’s display of affection in front of us kids stands out as one of the greatest gifts they ever gave us. I remember Mom sometimes playfully sitting on my Dad’s lap. They would hug, kiss, and hold each other. What better example can parents provide then showing their children how to love each other. I only hope that Lisa and I are doing it right – that our daughters are seeing the same example being set.
All of that, however, merely scratches the surface. To my nieces, nephews, and daughters, I know I don’t need to tell you how special Grandma was. But just like how some people are born to be great artists or athletes, Grandma was born to be just that – an awesome grandmother. Let’s face it. Before you were all born, she had nearly 50 years of experience in maternal-like roles – especially as an Aunt. At the age of 4, her first nephew – Ken – was born. Before she married Papa, her siblings would make her an Aunt several more times again – not to mention the 3 nieces and 3 nephews she acquired after marrying Papa. When I was born, she had over two dozen nieces and nephews – and all before she was 22.Fast forward to the early 1970’s – she became a Great-Aunt in 1971 before turning 27 when Ken’s first son – Jeff – was born. Over the next 40 plus years she would become a Great Aunt multiple times as many of her nieces and nephews had children of their own as well as a Great-Great Aunt too, as those children would also have children. She loved playing the role of an Aunt.To all my cousins first through who knows how many there are – though I may have lost track of our ever-expanding family tree, Aunt Diann did not. She had an uncanny ability to remember each one of you and know who belonged to whom. She loved you all very much. Throughout the years, your joys and your sorrows were hers too – she would share them with me.Mom had so much love to give that she didn’t reserve it just merely for her rather large family – she would share that love with other children. This was surely evident as the four of us kids grew up, she would view and love each of our friends as her own and would eventually love and treat their children as her own grandchildren.To all mine and my siblings’ friends – Mom loved you all. Not just because you were our friends, but because you were her friend too. That’s just how it works.
So Marissa, Laurel, Devin, Cara, Chris, Dustin, Kayla, Padraig, Brendan, and Ciara - you have to admit - that is one impressive resume for a Grandmother if I ever saw one.With all those years of loving and maternal experience behind her, by the time you all came along she was a seasoned professional. She had honed the three essential skills required by any Grandma – Love, Hugs, and Spoiling. I know you will miss her terribly – as will the rest of us. But know this – being your Grandma brought her so much happiness – so much pure joy. The sum of the love she had for each of you was far greater than you will ever know. Your task is to remember that amazing love and follow her example by sharing it with others the rest of your life.Dad, Darrell, Darlene, & Dwayne - sadly we are saying goodbye to Mom at Christmas time. I don’t have to tell you that celebrating Christmas was one of Mom’s favorite things to do. Some of our best family memories are from Christmas. Mom – with Dad’s help – made sure that each Christmas morning was special for us kids.But as much fun as she made Christmas morning, Mom made getting ready for Christmas equally if not more fun. Whether it was decorating the house and tree or taking time with each of us to go gift shopping, she made the Christmas season very special. Her biggest and maybe most significant of all her holiday preparations were baking cookies. She would bake a ridiculous amount of cookies that not only Dad and us kids enjoyed, but everyone else did too. Sugar Cookies, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Peanut Butter Cookies – the list goes on. And of course she had to make pizzelles – which quite honestly to this day I cannot understand why. They are an Italian cookie and as far as I know Zeiglers or Ferrys are not really known for their Italian heritage. Nevertheless, she would make them. What would further exasperate me was not the nasty anise flavoring that would infect other cookies if stored in the same container. No – it was the fact that we would still have those cookies around in mid-January. Seriously, she could make 5 dozen chocolate chip cookies before Christmas and they would be consumed by Dec 26th or 27th – mostly by us kids. But the 1 or 2 dozen pizzelles she made would never get eaten – at least not by us. They would linger. It is one of those mysteries that I will never understand, but I guess if it brought her joy then it really was not so bad.
I know Mom would not want us to be mournful at Christmas – no she would be quite upset if we don’t do our best to make this time of year as special as we can for those around us. Each December going forward we should not remember that this is the month that Mom passed away. No - we need to remember that this is the month that Mom made special for us as a family growing up & continued to make special for us as adults and for our children. That is the legacy we are tasked with continuing and passing on. That is what she would want – not sadness, but joy.
For me, I have done my best as the baker of Mom’s coffee cake each Christmas in our home. Lisa and the girls have come to expect it and it’s just not Christmas morning if we don’t have the coffee cake. I know going forward that I will always have an extra helper with me in the kitchen. Mom will be there to make sure I do it right.I also know she is probably making pizzelles right now because as I recall, Grandma Zeigler, Franny, Kay & possibly even Gaylord would enjoy them with her.